"A Saga Ends"

Fifteen years in prison for O.J Simpson…Eligible for parole in nine years. Simpson, sixty years old and a college graduate by way of a football scholarship is still a liar and a thug and will go to prison for armed robbery. A suitable end for a suspected double murderer . A classic example of what goes around comes around. Sooner or later if you live long enough your past will catch up with you. You can run but you can’t hide. You can cover it up with smiles and jokes. It will find you. The lies will continuously surface and you will be put in the spot light and every one will know. Where ever you go, who ever you know, the lies and guilt will follow and at times will be overwhelming. After a while even to smile will hurt so much that you will have to pretend happiness. It’s the pain of worry and guilt. That nagging little voice in your head you try not to listen to but you have to because it will get louder. Remember, I said, “Our minds are our worst enemy“. That would be your conscience reminding you that it won’t forget until the day you die. Its often silent but like a time bomb it will remind you on an occasion when you least expect it. The people you hurt, you will see as reminders and they will be your constant anchors keeping you aware not letting you forget even if you could. Any happiness you feel is superficial and meaningless. Your elation won’t last. It will be just a fleeting moment before its deflated into that sick feeling of guilt and you begin to think and suffer all over again. Now its prison. Will it be institution green or gray? One or the other we knew it would be. That daily boring existence of sleeping behind bars. Being awakened at night in that constant dull roar that is always there and never seems to go away. Listening to the slamming cell doors and screaming nightmares of your mates. Then there is always the crying and howling of the others that pass the time in confinement with you. No private room for you O.J. a cell mate is in order for you, not of your choice but one of theirs. Will you be lucky or sad? Will you be happy sharing the same toilet with no privacy? That’s up to you to say. I won’t wish you well because I don’t know you, I just know of you and from what they say you are not a nice person. Will you have nightmares? Will you relive that night when you were looking through the window and seen what Nicole and Ron were doing in the house? Will you have “Those” nightmares? I don’t know? So the OJ. Simpson saga is over and after ten years of denial, that smirk and grin are gone replaced with fear and that,“ I cant believe this is happening to me” look. A promise was made and I certainly hope that you continue to look for the real killer while you are in prison. Whatever happens, as always, its up to you…

"Dreams"

Did you ever wonder what it would be like to be a player in any forum? Football, Baseball, Tennis, Soccer and to be put in a position to have the crowd in a home stadium cheer for your team and you? I would like to have done that just to feel the energy that comes from the crowd that surrounds you. I have been to Major league baseball and NFL football games and sitting in a crowded stadium cheering for the home team and I have felt it. Yesterday I was watching the playoffs and thought what if all eyes were on me and what it would feel like to have all that energy directed at me. Personally, I think it would be addicting…Would all those aches and pains you have when you got older be worth it? I watch these extraordinary athletes in excellent physical condition and I wish I could be younger just to compete. I played baseball and softball for fun for years but a guy always dreams about what it would be like if only.. What if I went to a different school and my grades were better? Maybe if my parents encouraged me more to practice and to try out for the team. Maybe if I wasn’t so interested in that cute cheerleader and studied more. Those little errors in judgment years ago that turned me down those side roads of life and let fate take control instead of allowing more creative thinking to guide me past the pitfalls of what I thought was fun. Those few beers with what I thought were friends was biggest mistake I ever made. That false sense of courage and bravado was all I needed to change the coarse of my life. Its so much worse now with the intensity of the drugs and the fruity disguises and flavors they put in the alcohol of today. It does the same thing. It corrupts the mind. It doesn’t take much to get a wishful thinking teen, hooked and started down the road of life unaware that it’s the road to bad decision making, pain and Hell. The moment a teen or young person takes that drug or drink their life expectancy shortens. All the careful living under their parents supervision and guidance is dissolved in a blend of booze and drugs. Some of the smarter and luckier ones will persevere but those with addictive personalities will succumb to the false momentary pleasure. Time will go on and it won’t take long to realize that you need to drink more or use more drugs to get the same high that you had not to long ago. That’s when you start to feel the guilt and to get rid of that you drink or use more. Later on in life but not too much later you will self-destruct. The cycle has begun. You know what I mean. That is moment you start to circle the drain…When I was a young man I took a test that a publisher sent me. .It had to do with writing an essay. I wrote it and sent it in. Low and behold a few weeks later two men in suits came to my house and wanted to sent me to school to be a writer and I didn’t do it. A few years later the U.S. Government came to me and wanted me to become an Air Traffic Controller. I didn’t do that. There were many decisions that I made that I wish I chose differently but there are no excuses. I just wish I had a clearer mind at the time and that would have let me make better choices and maybe have the time to think of a better future. Part of the answer is never be afraid to ask a responsible person. What if I ?
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"Experience, Strength and Hope"

Alcoholics Anonymous

Experience Strength and Hope

By Larry F.

© All Rights Reserved

Hi everybody, my name is Larry and I am an alcoholic. Since I joined Alcohol Anonymous in 1977, I have been among the privileged few not to drink or pick up a drug or a substitute. I have watched A.A grow into what it is today. I have seen the good changes and in my humble opinion, the bad changes also. I thought I would take this opportunity to share some of these changes with you. First let me qualify myself and start with how it began. This won’t be a drunk a log. My story is a story of progression more than anything else. I think our stories are all the same, its the people that are different. I was very young when I took a beer from my grandfathers beer case in the basement of his home. I think I was about ten. I clearly remember seeing him enjoy drinking beer and being so young I naturally became curious. When he drank, it seemed to go down so easy and smooth. I wondered what was so good about it and what did it taste like? He never drank to excess but it looked like he enjoyed drinking it so much.” How come I couldn’t have one I thought ?….. My wonderful Grand parents who were from the old country used to watch me after school when my Mom and dad worked. I remember those days like it was yesterday. So one lazy afternoon when my grandfather was working and my grandmother was upstairs I went down the basement and took a Hull’s beer in that stubby brown bottle from the case that was there. It was my first beer and I think, the first thing I ever stole. I came from a Italian Catholic family, you know the type, pictures of the Pope and the Saints on the walls, everything from the Infant of Prague to Saint Francis and if you read the Big Book you know he is a very popular guy.. ..I drank that beer and I vaguely remember not liking the taste and what was the big deal but at least I knew what it tasted like. I dumped out the remainder and put the empty bottle back in the case so he wouldn’t notice. I had gotten away with it…….Being so young I don’t remember drinking much after that except a sip of Vermouth from under the sink in her kitchen or some of the wine that my grandfather let me taste. He made that in the basement. I used to help him pick the grapes. I loved the taste of that. It was more grape juice than anything else. Being a Catholic and going to Catholic school I became an Alter boy at 12 years old. I remember the wait and anticipation of turning 12 so the Nuns and the Priest would let me join. I joined because I wanted to make my parents and grand parents proud of me. I soon learned that I was good at it and I learned Latin well. The pastor wanted the Latin to be pronounced right. Me and a friend of mine soon became the ones that lasted the longest. Talk about irony. He is in the program also and has been sober for many years. Although I was shy I was comfortable doing that and it was a learning experience and I will never forget. It was towards the end of my alter boy career that curiosity got best of me and started to taste the Sacristy wine. It was soon after that I quit. I don’t remember why but I think it had to do with guilt. I was placed in a trusted position and I felt like I was doing things that were dishonest and I had a guilty conscience. It was my way of running away while I still had my dignity only I didn’t know it at the time….. At 16 when I got my drivers license I began to drink a little more but not too much because I wasn’t old enough to go into package stores. I drank because I was shy and I noticed that when I drank it gave me the courage to do things and fit in with my friends and some them were 21.That was drinking age was at that time. I quit school at 17 and got a job in a gas station. My dad, not pleased but always keeping an eye on me suggested that I learn a trade. He said I was, his exact words were, “Good with my hands” and helped me get a job working for a local electrician as a helper. I learned quick and did well and it paid off. When I was around 21 I met my future wife and her dad and because of his connections with the State of Connecticut he got me a job as a grunt at the local airport. It took a few years of on the job training but soon I became an airport electrician. That’s the way it was in those days, we helped each other. In the mean time I joined the Army National Guard. I went away for 6 months and drank like the rest of the guys but because of progression I remember I was getting drunk more often. It was when I turned 25 or 27 that my drinking took off. I drank because it made me feel good. I found out I could do anything or be anybody if I had a few drinks. Although I didn’t know it at the time it was then that my alcoholic personality was born. On occasion he still comes out and makes a fool out me and I have to make amends or pick up the pieces. I can usually contain him and live a normal life. When I was drinking I lived 2 lives. During the day I was the family man and responsible electrician keeping the runway lights on. After work and at night I made the rounds of the barrooms from Hartford to Springfield. I drank until I was 39 years old. I was a functioning drunk and I had the same job for 18 years. We had our own home and 2 cars in the driveway. I was a cheat, a con-man and a philander and few other things but I never got a DWI or have seen the inside of a jail. I stopped growing mentally when I was about 30.and because of my sickness and alcoholic decision making, I hurt my beautiful ex-wife, God bless her, my 3 sons, my friends and every one I came in contact with. The only reason I stopped drinking was because of my self destructive behavior and I was going to lose my job. I knew I was sick and hooked on alcohol and I tried many times but I could not stop drinking. I was out of control. I reported for emergencies at that airport drunk and I should have been fired and there were a few bosses who wanted to but because of the controversial new laws making Alcoholism a disease, the director of my agency sent me to a rehab and told me it was my last chance. I stayed for the 28 days. That was September 28, 1977 and I haven’t had a drink or a substitute in 31 years. I went to that rehab because I was suffering and desperate but I had an open mind and I really wanted to stop drinking. It was the only way I could. It was the last stop for me. When got out of rehab I did what they said and I started to go to AA meetings. At the meetings they told me to shut up and listen and to take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth. I listened and I did what the old timers or the people with long sobriety told me to do. When I learned that all I had to do was ask my Higher Power for help. The desire to drink was taken away. When they me told me to keep it green. I watched and learned what happens when you go out and pick up drink. Through the years I have known people who have never made it back and people who have died. To them I say, Thank you! You did it for me. You are in my prayers. Today I study the Steps and the Big Book I have gone to the same Step and Big Book meetings consistently every week for the past 4 years and I learn something new each week. To me, all the answers to all the questions are in those 2 meetings. When I joined AA it was to save my life and the meetings were different……………………….. A guy told me that he was going to be my sponsor and I said, “Yes sir“ and he gave me a job whether I wanted it or not and that’s when I learned respect. He gave me the key to a church and told me to make coffee. I learned trust. He gave me a check book to become treasurer of our group and I learned honesty. He made me the chairman of a meeting and I learned how to come out of my shell, talk in front of a group of people and be responsible and find speakers. He told me to clean tables and empty ash trays and I learned humility. Most of that is the same today but I notice that the same people do the same jobs over and over and the speakers tell a different kind of a story. I had a wonderful childhood and my parents made mistakes like any new parent does but my mom and dad worked hard and I never wanted for much of anything. I got everything within reason that I asked for. As I got older, seldom did I have any limits set on me but it seemed like my Dad was always there. When he told or suggested something to me maybe I didn’t listen or do it right away but it didn’t take me long before I did. Not out of fear but respect. Being the first son I was spoiled. As I got older I was protected by my employer, my family and even the police. I don’t blame these people for not being tougher on me. I chose to drink because it made me feel good. When I joined A.A. If there were 20 people in a room that was crowded. In the Suffield Connecticut men’s group there were 8 regulars and the meeting was on the second floor. Today’s meetings are, depending on the season crowded with drug users, from crack and heroin to pill poppers and tweakers, with a few alcoholics sprinkled in. The speakers today talk about their fathers and mothers, telling how horrible they were and what a rotten childhood they had. Some times its like you are sitting in the treatment center in a therapy session. Lately I have heard a lot of that. Its my opinion that Is not what AA is all about. Its not your parents fault that you drank or used drugs! That was your choice. No one held you down and poured that booze down your throat or lit that crack pipe. Stop blaming people, places and things for your sickness. Let the past go and stop taking your parents inventory. Take responsibly for what you did to yourself. Parents issues should taken to a shrink. Speakers should talk about experience, strength and hope. If you don’t know what that is go to a few big book meetings and find out.… …..I went to a large discussion meeting near here one afternoon and a newcomer drug addict was swearing and insulting the group by saying the old timers are “Know it alls“. To me it was sad because I know that person could never make it in this program. If you have been around long enough you can tell the wishful thinkers from the honest people who really want to be clean and sober and make a commitment to really try.. I haven’t seen him since that day. At first I thought it was the environment I was in until I heard some insensitive remarks in a small group. An older woman was hurt and angry and complained to me after the meeting. I haven’t seen her since that night. I witnessed a speaker with a lot years in the program saying he is married and has a mistress. Some people will laugh and snicker but to the new comer that makes it OK to be a little dishonest and a tell those little white lies. Does the term “Rigorous honesty” mean anything anymore. AA is a program designed around honesty and forgiveness. It’s a never ending crusade to find humility. Newcomer alcoholics and drug addicts are always looking for some one to say its OK to do things. We learn by listening and by example. People with long sobriety have to be careful what they say and do. Another female friend of mine was upset because of what a male friend of hers told her. This man didn’t pick up a drink or a drug but was so distraught he signed himself into rehab because he was afraid he was going to drink. He was holding a secret for someone else. This secret could hurt someone badly. Its my opinion that the woman he held the secret for should have relieved this poor guy of that burden, no matter what the cost. In my opinion the alcoholic and drug addicts of today use the program to try and stay clean and sober and they change the meaning of the steps and manipulate the words of the big book to suit their needs. They lie as long as keeps a secret that lets them get what they want. They don’t care about the feelings of the newcomer who compares and doesn’t know how to identify. In today’s society instant gratification is expected and a little lie is OK if it makes you feel good no matter what the consequences or who it may hurt……..In some cases the change in AA is good. In one of the meetings I attend a group member travels a lot and when he is on the other side of the world he attends the meeting by his laptop computer to a cell phone. He shares and listens by speaker phone on the table Its an wonderful experience. I think that is great. …………In the beginning, after I had been sober for about 2 years and I could make a major decision , I finished high school and went to college. I took courses in Physiology and English composition. There is where I learned about the medical part of my disease and public speaking. A direct benefit of that is years later I was given the opportunity to work in a rehab with the alcoholics and drug addicts both adults and kids. That is where I learned social skills. For me that means when to talk and when to listen. I still have a problem with that. I still have that Alcoholic personality I mentioned and some times he comes out and causes problems. He comes in the disguise of temptation like when my favorite uncle died and after the funeral I walked into a barroom and stood at the bar The bar tender put that napkin in front of me and looked at me with a grin and said “What will you have sir?” I looked at myself in those mirrors. I looked at the bottles and the red and blue neon lights and a voice in my head said “Get out of there“. That, my friends was God talking to me. I truly believe that. I turned around and left. That was 10 years ago. Temptation showed its ugly head again 3 years ago when I was weak and lonely and I dropped my guard and made and made a fool out of myself and I had an affair with a member of AA while I was sponsoring her. Needless to say it turned into a nasty affair but neither of us drank. Then there are the what I call the “You are cured” and the “No one will know”, temptations and those in comparison are the easy ones. You never know when temptation or that other personality will sneak up and grab you. We will always have a problem or a moment when we are not vigilant. We must always be aware of that. I always say “For some of us it takes a little longer“ …. Most of us are loners and I had to learn how to approach a group of people and join in a conversation. Remember when we thought there were clicks? Now you can’t stop me. Now I can join in the conversation. There are newcomers who can’t do that…A good friend once paid me a compliment and told me that when I chair a meeting I am “In my Element” and I am good at it. I guess I am making a little progress. We all work our own program, some good, some bad, some will make it, some won’t but I can only hope and pray that a little of the old style of program is still alive when I am gone. I will Pray that people will keep the miracle alive. When Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith went into that hospital room and saved that alcoholic from a sure death. It was the beginning of the road to recovery for all of us. These 2 men, not wanting to be paid but only wanting to help another human being so they could stay sober and pass the message. Many different ways have been tried to stay sober, too many to mention and all have failed. I believe God gave Bill W. and Dr. Bob the inspiration to do what they did. If you want peace of mind and a quality of life that is beyond your greatest expectations. If you are willing to be humble, forgive and be honest and because none of this comes easy, are willing to work hard to get it. AA is the place to be……..I have been through Hell and back. I have experienced most of life’s problems. Death in the family, death of a beloved pet, painful family and relationship issues and divorce. I have never picked up a drink or a substitute. Just when you think you have seen it all, something else happens. Its only because of AA I am here today and I was able to take care of my sick father in his last days. I was able to be at my ex-wife’s side and ask her for forgiveness in the hospital bed where she lay dieing of cancer. I was able to take care of my Mom until she died and do the things for her my that my dad asked me to do and I am able to share this message with you. That folks, is Experience, strength and hope… Thank You, My name is Larry and I am an Alcoholic

I Know I can say this.....

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Dollar

Some one sent this to me and I couldn't resist.............

"On the rear of the One Dollar bill, you will see two circles. Together, they comprise the Great Seal of the United States . The First Continental Congress requested that Benjamin Franklin and a group of men come up with a Seal. It took them four years to accomplish this task and another two years to get it approved. If you look at the left-hand circle, you will see a Pyramid. Notice the face is lighted, and the western side is dark. This country was just beginning. We had not begun to explore the west or decided what> we could do for Western Civilization. The Pyramid is uncapped, again signifying that we were not even close to being finished. Inside the> capstone you have the all-seeing eye, an ancient symbol for divinity. It was Franklin's belief that one man couldn't do it alone, but a group of men, with the help of God, could do anything. 'IN GOD WE TRUST' is on this currency. The Latin above the pyramid, ANNUIT COEPTIS, means, 'God has favored our undertaking.' The Latin below the pyramid, NOVUS ORDO SECLORUM, means, 'a new order has begun.' At the base of the pyramid is the Roman Numeral for 1776. (MDCCLXXVI) If you look at the right-hand circle, and check it carefully, You will learn that it is on every National Cemetery in the United States . It is also on the Parade of Flags Walkway at the Bushnell, Florida National Cemetery , and is the centerpiece of most hero's> monuments. Slightly modified, it is the seal of the President of the United States , and it is always visible whenever he speaks, yet very few people know what the symbols mean. The Bald Eagle was selected as a symbol for victory for two reasons: First, he is not afraid of a storm; he is strong, and he is smart enough to soar above it. Secondly, he wears no material crown. We had just broken from the King of England. Also, notice the shield is unsupported.. This country can now stand on its own. At the top of that shield you have a white bar signifying congress, a unifying factor. We were coming together as one nation. In the Eagle's beak you will read, 'E PLURIBU S UNUM' meaning,'one from many.' Above the Eagle, you have thirteen stars, representing the thirteen original colonies, and any clouds of misunderstanding rolling away. Again, we were coming together as one.Notice what the Eagle holds in his talons. He holds an olive branch and arrows. This country wants peace, but we will never be afraid to fight to preserve peace. The Eagle always wants to face the olive branch, but in time of war, His gaze turns toward the arrows.They say that the number 13 is an unlucky number. This is almost a worldwide belief. You will usually never see a room numbered 13, or any hotels or motels with a 13th floor. But think about this: 13 original colonies, 13 signers of the Declaration of Independence, 13 stripes on our flag, 13 steps on the Pyramid, 13 letters in, 'Annuit Coeptis,' 13 letters in ' E PluribusUnum ,' 13 stars above the Eagle, 13 bars on that shield, 13 leaves on the olive branch, 13 fruits, and if you look closely, 13 arrows. And finally, if you notice the arrangement of the 13 stars in the right-hand circle you will see that they are arranged as a Star of David. This was ordered by George Washington who, when he asked Hayim Solomon, a wealthy Philadelphia Jew, what he would like as a personal reward for his services to the Continental Army, Solomon said he wanted nothing for himself but that he would like something for his people. The Star of David was the result. Few people know that it was Solomon who saved the Army through his financial contributions but died a pauper. I always ask people, 'Why don't you know this?' Your children don't know this, and their history teachers don't know this. Too many veterans have given up too much to ever let the meaning fade. Many veterans remember coming home to an America that didn't care. Too many veterans never came home at all. Share this page with everyone, so they can learn what is on the back of the UNITED STATES ONE DOLLAR BILL, and what it stands for"!

I knew this but I thought I would share it on here.........

The only way to survive in this economy is to lower our standard of living and don't spend so many of these...

I don't have to say anything!

"Please help the strays. You may be all they have".