"May 1st"

May 1st and it’s a beautiful day. I think I’ll go to the store and get something special to eat. I haven’t decided what yet. My allergies are acting up and is very annoying. The stuffy nose and sneezing is bad this time of year...Lets just say its worse now than other times…I’m glad summer is just around the corner. I’ve got to bring in the Mustang for a brake job soon. I just haven’t decided where. I have a forty dollar coupon from the Ford dealer but we all know what that means. I just don’t like sitting there making small talk waiting for it to be done. I know its me and this cone of silence I’m going through. Its like I’m standing up against this brick wall and I can’t figure out how to get around it or go over it. I had a little relief Friday when I went to the beach and seen the surfer girls. I actually felt good. Its sort of a, no not depression, it’s a feeling of and I don’t like saying this. Hopelessness. Its like things are confusing and going too fast. Changing before I get to chance to think about it. I realize its probably a control thing but its like making me go faster and think faster but I’m aware of it and I compensate. Maybe it’s the constant compensating that getting to me. Being a responsible person my instinct is to help and comfort but all I find is this wall. When I complain or ask for help no one answers. In fact and I’m not making this up. Everyone I talk to complains but no one anywhere listens.