“Sons at Christmas”

    I have three sons, but two sons that are, to say the least ignorant and disrespectful. Ignorant because they don’t realize that in the future they will wish they were better people and not so inconsiderate. Disrespectful because they know better and in the end will lose more than they could ever imagine. There were times when I was mad at my Dad but I never, ever treated him with disrespect. I know I’m not alone when it comes to stuff like this and I believe that every son disagrees with their father once and a while but never for long. It was later on in my life that I realized that my father had a special knowledge and wisdom. It was called ,“Age” and he set an example for me many ways just by knowing things. Someday I will write about his, “Suggestions” to me so my life would be a lot easier. I have tried everything possible to repair any damage, imaginary or real with my sons. What they are doing now is, "On them and not my problem anymore”. In the future, the guilt will be cold in their souls. They will never be unable to shed the torment they will feel. No one can turn back time to clear the mind, it never shuts down. The pain, will be there, at times disappearing for brief moments but never for too long. The pang of fear and paranoia will always lurk in background. It will never leave you when you have no one to say your sorry too. I have tried many times to be a Dad and a friend to them but from this point on I will not be a doormat or a fool anymore. Looking at those picture slides a while ago reminded me of all wonderful things my wife and I did with them. As new parents mistakes were made but I will not, nor have I ever dwelled on the negative things we may have done. Its up to them now to separate the good from the bad. Yes, that was the past but its what I remember from those peaceful times that keeps me warm….

"Rerun 5"

First posted on November 25, 2008

I have decided to end my self-imposed misery at long last…The winter is here and that’s that. Nothing I do or say will change it back to summer. I hung my bike from the ceiling like in the Seinfeld sitcom and have started my long walk, sometimes run regiment. Its usually dark so I don’t run in the unlit areas. I don’t want to get shot by mistake by someone thinking I am running away from a crime. I can’t go where its warm for any length of time because of Mom and I accept that, or do I.. Something evil inside of me wants to be angry and go and do what I want like when I was younger and more of a free sprit. The problem is I am not that person anymore. Its not really a problem. I just have a conscience now. The other day someone told me a conscience was the “Voice of God“. I thought about that and it makes sense and I truly believe that. Lately I have been in my teaching mode. I have a wealth of knowledge and quite a few years of experience in avoiding trouble and mistakes and sometimes I get angry because its too easy in our society to fall into the traps and pitfalls set for the innocent. If I can help someone, even if its only a pause to think before acting I have done my job. Don’t get me wrong, being a bit of a risk taker, at times I take chances that I shouldn’t. No one is perfect and I do or say things that are inappropriate and sometimes off the cuff. If you read my blog you know what mean. The thing is I admit my mistakes and I talk about it and tell the truth. Everyone makes mistakes and most of us learn by our errors but there are always the ones that make the Fruitcake news…. Ah, the Fruitcake news. The news that makes you glad that you born with a brain and had parents and grandparents that taught you the difference between good and bad. You know, the parents that said to pay attention to that little voice in your head that tells you not to use drugs, not to marry that guy he’s an abuser or not to put yourself in position for bad things to happen. In 2008 that whisper or voice you hear will help you avoid prison or some other disastrous fate.

In The Fruitcake news today a man In Enfield Connecticut is arrested and in jail under a Million dollars bond for beating his Grandmother to death….Enough said........