Tuesday, May 24, 2016
"Headlines of the Future"
The Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally . . . Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
Former country of Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being over taken by Jamaica.
Castro finally dies at age 179, Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Q. Bush XIIII says he will run for President in 2081.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
Average weight of Americans drops to 287.50 lbs.
Congress finally completed an 85 year, $75.8 Trillion dollar study: Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight loss.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
( I did not write that! )
Massachusetts executes last remaining Conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights and bans all criminal trials.
Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January, 2052. Homeland Security Department will vigorously enforce this new law.
Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 78 percent.
And, last but certainly not the least,
Florida voters still don't know how to use a voting machine.