"Headlines of the Future"

   Some of this was written by me. I added a few of what I thought were interesting...The rest was sent to me in an E-Mail a long time ago…It’s a little tidbit about the future and some of the Newspaper headlines you might see...

The Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally . . . Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Former country of Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being over taken by Jamaica.
Castro finally dies at age 179, Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.


George Q. Bush XIIII says he will run for President in 2081.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

Average weight of Americans drops to 287.50 lbs.

Congress finally completed an 85 year, $75.8 Trillion dollar study: Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight loss.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.  
( I did not write that! )

Massachusetts executes last remaining Conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights and bans all criminal trials.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January, 2052. Homeland Security Department will vigorously enforce this new law.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 78 percent.

And, last but certainly not the least,

Florida voters still don't know how to use a voting machine.

"News From the Future"

I wrote this piece around the time of the British Petroleum oil leak In the Gulf of Mexico...I called it the "Future News" 

Washington D.C. May 26, 2090.…In the news today, the Al-Qaeda Daily, Arab Press and the Muslim news reported that the Arctic ocean, the last ocean to be free from the leaking oil from the Gulf of Mexico is now totally polluted…officially, the U.S. White House reports and confirms that all oceans are now thick with oil the consistency of pudding. The President was at a fund raiser yesterday seeking donations for his reelection but as an afterthought confirmed that there is no more sea life living in any ocean. A committee is being formed to oversee the existing committee on discussing a bail out program for British Petroleum. …British Petroleum said today they are still working hard to cap the leak in the gulf by putting sand on top of the hole but reports it’s a time consuming job. Meanwhile the last of the Whales and Sea Turtles are putting themselves on shore preferring to suffocate on land rather the in the ocean. When asked about the scarcity of drinking water in the United States the president said, the government will provide bottled water on the third Wednesday of every month. Limit is two 12 once bottles per family of four. Non-citizens will receive six 12 ounce bottles. When ask why that is…The president replied, because we need to be nice to our foreign friends. They showed great courage crossing the border in all that gunfire. In other news the Senate just voted a unanimous yes to appropriate from American taxpayers, the money to build a Western White House in Dubai.
In other news…. The committee overseeing the committee seeking to elect Mohammed Abdul Mohammed Jr. President of the United States is seeking funds from the United Arab Emirates and Dubai. Dubai, the capital of the Mid-east recently completed building an artificial ocean with profits from raising gas prices in the United States $291.99 per gallon.…. If elected he will be the fifth President to admit being a Muslim of the highest order.. When asked, He said he will, “Use American Tax dollars to build a Mosque in every Federal building in the United States. “And that’s a campaign promise”, he was heard saying in Arabic to his press secretary. He later commented that the new law concerning woman will go into effect on June 1^st making it mandatory that all woman must wear their full robes or suffer the consequences of being stoned on the city street by the Jihad police…And that’s the News for today, May 26, 2090...Stay tuned…

Headlines of the Future"

Some of this was written by me. I added a few of what I thought were interesting...The rest was sent to me in an E-Mail a long time ago…It’s a little tidbit about the future or some of the Newspaper headlines you might see...

The Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally . . . Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Former country of Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being over taken by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 179, Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.


George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2081.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

Average weight of Americans drops to 287.50 lbs.

Congress finally completed an 85 year, $75.8 Trillion dollar study: Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight loss.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.    ( I did not write that! )

Massachusetts executes last remaining Conservative.


Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights and bans all criminal trials


Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.


New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January, 2052. Homeland Security Department will vigorously enforce this new law.


Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.


IRS sets lowest tax rate at 78 percent.


And, last but certainly not the least,


Florida voters still don't know how to use a voting machine